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5 Following
LouD

New and confused!

The Road to Price - Justine Elvira
Mmmm what can I say,
Yet another 50 shades wanna be
Too many spelling errors... eg waste (the man loves feeling up garbage!) instead of waist is a constant!
and you can get pregnant by being rapped?! Careful kids a 'lil hip hop battle can make you pregnant!!

oh OH and someone who hasn't had sex in 7 years because she was raped as a teenager she certainly jumps into bed quick enough.

And one minute she has no bra on because the dress can't allow it and the next page he's taking her bra off?!

The flow of the story is fast, too fast, I think I was getting motion sick with the speed!
And is she a strong lady or a simpering mess running away from her demons?!

The ramblings in Mia's head?? constant!! he's gorgeous, he's perfect, he's wonderful, I can't resist him...

Spend more time developing the characters than her inner monologue!
I will read the second, see how it develops but...
get more mates to read your stories before publishing!